Is it possible to feel helpless and strong at the same time? Because that’s where I’m at right now. I feel helpless because my pain is migrating and there’s not much I can do. Moving doesn’t relieve it. Icing doesn’t do anything. I’m going to try heat shortly. But it’s also awkward to put a heating pad on your crotch at work, but I don’t have many fucks anymore. Now it’s radiating to my knee. It’s like the physical therapy is telling the tension to leave but it’s just creating more tension.
Also, the skin on my hand is out of control, I had to break down and use my steroid cream to try and at least heal it. I’m praying it works some small miracle. But my eating has also been terrible. I need to find it in myself to cut these foods out of my life. It’s just so hard when you stress eat because of everything else, because it’s one of the few things that gives you momentary relaxation from the entire process.
But here’s why I feel strong, despite all of this gigantic swirl of everything, I’m still at work, I’m still cleaning, I’m not laying in bed letting it take over me. I’ve had two people, yesterday, who have complained to me about tooth pain and headaches. It’s like, they don’t even need to tell me, I get it. I clench my teeth at night and have frequent jaw pain that radiates into my head. So I understand it. I don’t want to talk down peoples pain, but I’m still here and working through it frequently. It makes me feel strong.